Every once in a while, an article gets shat onto the Internet about servers and so often it is written by someone who has probably never waited tables before. Correction: maybe they waited tables for a few weeks in college and think they have all the answers because they have "been there." The latest case is that of a New York Post article called "You Got Served" by Kyle Smith.Where to begin, where to begin?
Basically, Mr. Smith is complaining about being "held hostage" as a diner and being forced to be nice to a server that he sees as a servant. According to his article, he likes the servers in France a lot better than those in the United States and he also announces that he tips a paltry 11%. My first piece of advice to Mr. Smith is to swim your cheap ass right back over to France and live it up over there. Shove a couple of croque monsieurs up your ass and leave a Euro for your tip. No server in this country is going to miss you one bit.
I want to look at several of the points he makes and respond to them individually:
"I’m not here to make friends. I don’t even need to know your name. By the time you tell me about the specials, I’ve already forgotten it." - That is a two way fucking street, sir. No server wants to announce his name to their table. The ones who do that are more than likely required to do so because of some stupid ass training that came down from the corporate office of Applebee's or Fuddruckers. If servers are constantly announcing their name to you, it might be because of where you are dining. And we don't want to be your friend either. Don't try to shake my hand or tell me your name because I care about that about as much as I care about whether you have the french onion soup or the crab cakes.
"After taking my order, they disappear and give way to a series of surly busboys who do the food delivery, the clearing, the refilling of the water glasses."- Don't assume that is happening to everyone because in my experience, I only delegate those tasks to the busser when I think the customer is an asshole, asshole.
"The worst part of dealing with American waitrons is we’re forced to be nice to these creepy ex-darlings of their high-school theater departments because of the unspoken hostage drama that’s taking place behind the scenes with our food." - It is also the worst thing for us; having to be nice to these creepy present-day dickbags of the New York Post because of the unspoken hostage drama that's taking place between their wallets and my bills being paid.
"And what’s with the squatting while you’re telling me about the specials?" -I agree. It's stupid. Stop it, servers.
"Stand up and be a man. As much of a man as it’s possible to be while enthusing over whipped-feta crostini." - Are you saying that a real man can't talk about whipped-feta cheese? That's like saying "be as much of man as it's possible to be while rocking a gingham button-up shirt and being a ginger."
"And in France, I’ve been baffled to get turned away from an entirely empty establishment at 6 p.m. because all tables are already reserved — for diners who intend to show up at 7:30 or 8 or 8:15. Don’t they want my money in the meantime?" - My thought is that they recognize you from the last time you dined there and they don't want to serve you again, stupide Americain.
"Enjoy my 11% tip."- I will enjoy your 11%tip and I hope that by putting your picture up here, more servers in New York City will know what to expect from you. Maybe that way they won't sneak up behind you and ask you how everything is and you can eat in peace. However, we all know that if a server didn't ask you how everything is you would use that as your excuse to leave a shitty tip. You can't complain that servers are checking up on you. It's our job. If you're going to leave an 11% tip, I dare you to tell that to your server as soon as you sit down. I guarantee if you do that, he won't be there to see how everything is.
I wish there was a place to leave comments on this article, but there isn't. However, Mr. Smith does have a blog that you can leave a message on and I think you should do it: leave a comment here!!
Don't use profanity or it will not get posted. Tell him The Bitchy Waiter sent you.
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43 comments:
Nice :) I'm not gay, but whipped feta crostini sounds fucking delicious though.
I hated the line, "You're a servant! So serve." I shared it on Facebook and told all my friends (they and myself are all servers) to email the butthole. If he hates eating out so much, then stay home! Eat a hot pocket and choke on it.
"Stupide Americain" Love it.
Mr. Smith is a dick.
Here is another one that has started in our local paper!! Have fun Bitchy!!
http://www.indystar.com/article/20130304/NEWS09/303040040
An excerpt from my comment to Mr Smith: "Honestly, the epic porportions of your douchebaggery could cleanse the vagina of a whale."
Currently awaiting moderation.
"be as much of man as it's possible to be while rocking a gingham button-up shirt and being a ginger." I literally laughed out loud! Best line of the whole article. That ginger my dear sir, is a douche.
Go get i'm, BW! He doesn't know who he's messing with!
LOVE the ginger comment, loved all your comments!
I absolutely refuse to give out my name, and I certainly don't care to know your name.
People are asshats....especially Mr. Smith
Carry on Bitchy waiter.....carry on ! ;)
Thanks for the traffic. The 11 percent thing was a joke. The whole piece was standup comedy minus the microphone. Don't take comic essays so seriously.
"Are you saying that a real man can't talk about whipped-feta cheese? That's like saying "be as much of man as it's possible to be while rocking a gingham button-up shirt and being a ginger."
HA HA HA!! I spit my water out as I read this. Too funny!
I dine out often..and at the very least tip 20%...and I actually like my servers..and ask how their day is going..dang. they even remember me when I come back..Then the tip goes up...they do me a very appreciatesd service of providing me food and saving me time cleaning up. i am teaching my children the same..this guy is a self important peon with a complex..and likes to call people names to compartment alize himself into importance..I am sure he eats alone most of the time.
We are forced to squat while talking to tables in my restaurant. It puts you on the same eye level as the customers. But it hurts my knees and makes me feel like a slave! We are degrading ourselves for a measly 11% tip from people like this man...
Ah the old 'Geez, can't you take a joke?' defence!
Mr Smith if your article is misunderstood perhaps it is your, rather than your readers fault? Hmmm....?
For anyone who has ever served a table, this is my response to Kyle Smith's New York Post article http://blog.nickmay.ca/server-%E2%89%A0-servant/
What a douche. Lets joke instead about how you will soon be unemployed because no one buys the paper anymore. Lets hope you dont end up serving tables to feed your red-headed bastard children. Karma is a bitch bro.
I'm fucking pissed! I'm urging EVERY server to write a letter to the editors of the Post to express our outrage on this downright hurtful/dispectful article. I just did. No matter how "funny' he thought this shit was, it's up to us to come together to let him know (as everyone else does) that you DO NOT fuck with people that work in the service industry. Let's see how "funny" he thinks it is when he's out of a job and may have to wear an apron *gasp, the horror!* to pay his rent.See how thankful that fucker is for the traffic then. Thank you BW waiter for bringing this fuckery to our attention. We demand and deserve an apology!
And my dear, beloved Bitchy, the "That's like saying 'be as much of man as it's possible to be while rocking a gingham button-up shirt and being a ginger'." is the funniest line I've read in a long, long time. You are the truly Shakespeare of the internet.
Thank you for making my day! This little story was utterly hilarious!
@ Mr. Smith, maybe he took it seriously because it wasn't funny.
Hey now. ease up on the redhead/ginger comments :(
what a fucking douchebag! mr. smith (if that is his real name) must need a magnifying glass to see his ultra tiny dick. go live in france if you think everything is better there!
Ummm maybe you should try being funny then, or maybe at the expense of those who can afford the other people who don't get the joke to quit paying them the full 20%. Like commission car salesman.
Ah, yes. The ever convenient 'I was joking!!!!', uttered by every piece of shit playground bully since the beginning of time.
Be a man and OWN your insufferable comments, Douchelord.
Even in the days of servants, some people realized they were people, had feelings, deserved respect, and a wage that was not insulting. Then, there were people like Kyle who looked down on honest work.
I hope he cannot ever dine in NYC again. Or, maybe he will get special sauce in his food.
I really detest jerks who insult a person and then say they were kidding. Most of those idiots then accuse the insulted of not having a sense of humor.
I was raised if you have no choice but to explain you were kidding, you probably weren't. There's a huge difference between humor and spite.
Oh, come on, BW.
Don't pick on the misfortunate. Just look at this ..thing.
It sorely lacks muscle strength, looks, any humour, adequate manhood, good manners, basic compassion, and a human soul. To top it off, his wee bastards? All gingers.
Honestly, cut the Kyle some slack ..
With regards,
PolishSpring
At least he tips something instead of leaving one of those bible tracts.
Just this morning I remembered something an elderly relative told me when I was in my teens. As a young woman she had been a waitress back home in Poland before the 2nd world war. Sometimes a guest would address her as "Anna". When her supervisor, one of these very formidable Austrian waiters, noticed, he would say something like: "We do not have any Anna-Shmanna here. I may be wrong, but I think you mean MISS Anna or MISS Matuszek." I am not sure what my Auntie Anna would have done to Mr Kyle.
I think he is getting exactly what he wanted...I never would have known who he was if it wasn't for this post. He is getting the attention from the entire country on his article, just a notch on his belt, and we have given him that by commenting and causing such a ruckus over this. He is an idiot, but perhaps a "smart" idiot for his line of work...which is worse? His boss may now tell him to do more articles to get us upset as long as he keeps getting hits...
Not if people hold true to their word. We are only a small percentage of a huge industry but almost all whoblive in ny have already said and some really have cancelled their subscription already
http://www.amazon.com/Love-Monkey-Novel-Kyle-Smith/dp/B000G740PS/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1362511435&sr=1-1&keywords=kyle+smith
His "novel" (actually there are two of them) are for sale on Amazon. You can repay the favor of his "review" on the industry.
If only it COULD be a simple transaction. Maybe this shitbag would appreciate that kind of service but I would say 79% of guests come out to be entertained and EXPECT a song and dance from their servers. Feigned enthusiasm, recommendations, back story about the place... they have a million questions. I am relieved when people don't need all that jazz, and just want to do their own thing. But it's RARE. So fuck you Mr. Smith, you should be commenting about guest expectations if you want to to pin point the problem here.
I posted my response here: http://www.industry-denver.com/in-response-to-kyle-smiths-you-got-served-of-new-york-post/#more-1478
Here's a little preview...
[Hi, Mr. Smith. I’m Jason and I already know that you will be tipping me 11% by your rather awkward and impersonal hello. Let me give you some time to settle in and maybe your mood will have changed by that time- enough to where I don’t have to small chat you about the rain. I’ll be back in a few minutes after I let the higher-ups know that I’ve got a fire kindling on table 12, We’re going to make you a priority table or PPX [which would mean personne particulièrement extraordinaire, for your fancy of the French]. Oh, and I’m sorry it is so busy tonight, apparently our food and hospitality is generating a buzz around town.]
He is goofy looking.
This was a a little story I wrote in response to Smith's beautiful poetry:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/skitmoon75/bring-it-on-9jzh
Hope you like it!!
Here's what I wrote in response to Kyle's hate:
http://strictlyautobiographical.com/2013/03/kyle-smith-you-are-a-huge-asshole-a-response-to-an-op-ed-in-the-new-york-post-about-waiters-and-waitresses-in-new-york-city/
I saw this on sunday and was outraged,,,,he clearly has no clue and i wrote a letter to the post that day and cancelled my subscription as well.
Can. Not. Stop. Laughing. I love you...and I love the fact that Mr. Gingham Shirt is now whining about all the "hate mail" he's gotten (likely all the minions schlepping over thanks to your handy link!). Perhaps he should not write hateful articles if he does not want hateful responses.
Hey Bitchy..ya see the write up in the NY Post today (3/10, Sun) about this guy and the overwhelming negative response he received... pages 26&27..l was totally waiting for you to be mentioned.. He responds in his column.
What a quintessential classist snob.
How embarrassing for him. His article does not appeal to a wide audience, because your average person relates to someone working at a restaurant more than they relate to some white-collar stuck-up asshole, so the only people applauding this article are middle-class pretentious douchebags.
Even the most soul-less gingers are looking at his article and going "due, you're like, totally mean."
kyle.smith@nypost.com this is the email given at the end of the article as well
I'll be damned if he doesn't get auto-grated 18% from here on out. He is the type that deserves shitty service and spit in his food. Dining is a sport, and he obviously sucks at it.
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